I sat on my living room chair, tears cascading down my cheeks, I was overwhelmed with sadness for no particular reason… I mostly just felt I wasn’t where I ought to be and I was too mentally tired to even want to take the steps I knew could get me there. And so I sit in the darkness and cry my eyes out…
My phone rings and a cursory glance reveals its my boyfriend, Femi.
I hesitated before picking up.
“Hi dear”, I said, trying to sound upbeat.
“I’m fine love, how are you? You don’t sound cheerful”
“Just a little tired”, I wasn’t sure how much to tell him so I wouldn’t sound like a broken record. “Errrm, actually I am sad, don’t know why though”
I laughed self consciously.
“Eeyah, I’m sorry about that, maybe you should just rest and take things easy, I’ll call back when you are much better and cheerful”
“Thanks, okay” I said feelings worse than before, he was never able to deal with the “weak me”.
I am a strong independent woman but I am also human, sometimes I cry, sometimes I’m vulnerable, many times I’m weak but it’s amazing how many people can’t seem to deal with me at this level. They seem much more comfortable relating with the cheerful, strong and confident lady I seem to be.
I cry myself to sleep.
Next day at work, I’m back to the cheerful, strong and lady-in-control everyone seemed more at ease with.
Is something wrong with me? Should I keep hiding this part of me because people can’t deal?
Why do people assume strong women never have moments of weakness like every normal human would?